About the author.

Jaw crumbling over-saturated smile

                             …What real life looks like

Slowly but surely, and in time, you will come to know these pages as comfortably as a urine stained cardigan or the place your parents used to hide you when the police came round. If you want to understand me have a look at the photo to the right or the video below.

 Don’t just sit in front of the computer hoping that your life improves by retrospectively claiming that you were right about what was going to happen on Britain’s Got Welts. Turn the computer off, walk out of your flat and then get into a balloon. Sit inside the balloon until you reach an altiitude of over 102,000ft and then jump out.

: